BoozeReviews.net

Have you ever noticed that Bud gives you unbelievable Beer Farts? Well, at least it does me…Now don’t get me wrong here… I don’t see anything wrong with a good beer fart. In fact, I consider them mostly to be a bonus. But the King of Beers turns my Dago ass into the King of Flatulence. I mean, one time, at band camp, I drank 12 Budweisers while playing roulette ’til 5:00AM, and the next day… well… later that day… I timed a fart that lasted 8 seconds. And it wasn’t one of those ’squeeze-your-buttcheeks and gradually let it go farts. It was a pusher. I mean, one that I helped out.

And it lasted 8 seconds.

Wow.

That’s what I mean here. Beer farts. Is that why they call this stuff the King of Beers? Because Kings of Old were like Dom Delouise in History of the World Part 1?

And the hangovers I get from this stuff are Unreal. I mean, the next day– after drinking more than the Surgeon General’s recommended dosage of this stuff– I usually feel like I’ve had my head in a vice between Pam Anderson’s hard-plastic boobs all night while being force-fed Mexican tap water. The bad head, the bad stomach… I mean, the whole kit and kaboodle feels like it’s just falling apart.

And the real shitter here is this: I still like the stuff. I mean, it tastes good. Really good. And it’s refreshing. And the smell of bait doesn’t throw it off when you drink it while fishing. Dammit!

So I’m gonna give the King of Beers a Big Fat Zero points because I still like it even though it hurts me, then I’m gonna add 75 points for the fun gas it gives me, then my wife is deducting 80 points because I like to pull the covers over her head and hold her down sometimes when I’ve got the Bud Farts (aka Dutch Oven).

(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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