Bier Boot Haus One Liter Beer Boot
The San Diego contingent of Boozereviewers escaped (wives, kids, responsibility in general) on a Saturday night to experiment with a one liter beer boot from Brendan at Bier Boot Haus. With some initial skepticism, we poured what appeared to be 2/3 of a one gallon growler of Ballast Point Dorado Double IPA (9.6% ABV). Skepticism because who the hell drinks a beer like this out of a boot? We do.
First observation: this is not your standard 12 or 22 oz curl. Second observation: the wide mouth of the glass invites uncontrollable urges to tip the boot back and chug, even with the least chuggable of beers. Quite an interesting visualization as the boot tips back toward your head in mid-chug, definitely delivering a “boot” upside the noggin.
Boozereviewer BJR actively pursued what Jesse the Hutt dubbed “Kerplunkeldoppen,” the bubble/splash phenomenon popularized by the movie Beerfest that occurs when you slug the last of the boot with the toe pointed up (avoid Kerplunkeldoppen by rotating the boot 90 degrees to the right or left). Jesse the Hutt and I chortled with Schadenfreude as BJR choked on, and thoroughly bathed in beer due to the Kerplunkeldoppen.
The night concluded with the epiphany that the beer boot was strangely reminiscent of the leg lamp from A Christmas Story, or was at least the beer glass equivalent.
As far as being a vehicle of utter crapulence, the Bier Boot Haus one liter beer boot achieves 98/100 points on the Boozereviews scale. Only 98 points because nobody went to jail or a T.J. whorehouse, and, with the help of a cabbie, we all made it home.
(7 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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So you deducted some points because no one ended up in a whorehouse, right?
Right, in order to qualify as the ultimate (100/100 pts) “vehicle of utter crapulence” would require jail, whorehouse, possibly hospital.
Nice review! This was a fun little assignment, although I’m not sure that we should be reviewing this mug with Double IPA again. I liked BJR’s idea of using these boots for beer pong, or any other sport that requires heavy chugging. Imagine how far the balls would fly after hitting the glass boot!
Also, I found it a bit strange that the feet are so small on this boot, or maybe this guy’s calves are just friggin’ huge?
This is a public plea for reviews from John the Wop, Jesse the Hutt, and BJR. Let’s get some new material up, am I the only one who drinks any more or what? Pansies. Teetotalers.
On second read, I have to say that this was one fuckin’ howler of a review. Nice work guys! It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.
I accompanied the Wop on his 2nd read and howled until I cried. Kerplunkeldoppen was incredibly easy and hilarious to visualize, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to witness it! And I guess I need to rent Beerfest! I wasn’t sure where the Hutt’s comment was going to lead when he brought up the small foot, but I can appreciate a large calf.
A caveat: if you’re going to watch Beerfest, I would highly recommend putting down at least one beerboots-worth of beer before starting the movie. And if you aren’t tough enough to go with a DIPA, better make it two.
I had a different theory about the small foot size: perhaps some people use the boot for multiple sources of merry-making. Vehicle for beer consumption, and gadget of pleasure all wrapped into one little, big-calfed elf boot.