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OK. Go ahead and say it. Go ahead. Ask. What the hell is he talking about?

Look, I’m breaking a cardinal rule here. A couple of them (yes, that’s an ice cube in my Riedel tequila flute). I’m reviewing two totally different tequilas together. A really crisp blanco and a really crusty, oak-laden añejo. Which means I’m drinking ‘em both together too. Which means there will likely be lots of spelling and grammar uuck fups in the following… and none of it is likely to make a shitload of sense either.

An Aside:
How this came about is a story in itself, one that leads me into a topic very dear to my heart: Liquor Stores.

I love good liquor stores. A good Liquor Store (I’m intentionally giving the institution of the Liquor Store title caps here) is a vital component in the discriminating boozer’s supply chain, and can provide a welcome diversion from, well, basically, the tedium that is every other kind of shopping. Face it guys: we all hate shopping. It’s football for women: we guys just don’t get it. BUT, give us a Liquor Store, cigar shop, adult video store, hardware store or electronics store and we’ll spend all day comparing the nuanced differences between the 3rd and 4th installments of the Share the Load porno franchise. That’s just… different. It’s not shopping… it’s… studying.

A good liquor store is defined by the staff and/or owners, then the selection carried. But the two are intertwined. A good Liquor Store owner or clerk will be fun to talk to because he will have a love for and detailed knowledge of the wares he peddles; and because of this knowledge, he won’t waste his time peddling shitty wares. He’ll stock the store with shit that he likes, as best he can at least, because he’ll like drinking that shit if no one else buys it. And if he likes drinking it, he’ll like talking about it and getting other people to drink it… thereby buying it from him. And because the guy stocks good shit, he’s not trying to make his living selling Popov to bums, so the store will likely be a more pleasant place to reside in, er, I mean visit.

The Liquor Store I grew up working in wasn’t like this, but I’ll save that story for a later date. Let’s just say I had beaten up at least 30 bums before I knew what an añejo tequila was.

I think of the owner of my favorite Liquor Store (41st Ave Liquors in Santa Cruz) as a librarian who’s read nearly every book in the library, and can discuss– at length if needed– the merits and downfalls of each one. A Soggy Sage, if you will. A Guru of Guts, a Vino Vishnu. A Bodhisattva of Booze.

So tonight I’m at the library and I’m looking for some dense reading. I decide to encourage the librarian to pick some books out for me, or at least guide me in the direction of a couple of authors I’ve never read. And he starts steering me into some Blanco tequilas.

Now, as you may have guessed from some other reviews I’ve written here, I usually stick pretty closely to añejos and reposados. So I immediately grabbed the añejo, not the blanco, of the first tequila he recommended: 7 Leguas. But because it is bad karma to disobey a bodhisattva, I asked him for another. And he pointed out la Fortaleza. And so there were two.

He insisted that I try the blanco in a Reidel tequila glass, not the bucket I usually drink out of, so I picked up a couple of those too (nearly broke them immediately on returning home), and am now sitting here with not one but 2 lovely glasses of chilled tequila.

End of Aside.

And goddamned if I don’t like the blanco better.

Well…. (sips)… maybe I like the añejo better… (sips)… nah, it’s the blanco.

Well… wait a sec…. this añejo’s really goddamn good.

Shit, now I have to pour some more of both, ’cause I can’t decide.

Wait, lemme get some porn going on the tube. Alright now… let’s get down to business…

OK, it’s the añejo. No. The blanco. Shit.

OK, so the Fortaleza (means “fortitude” in español) Blanco isn’t what you think it is. The name’s misleading. For something that puts “fortitude” in the name, you’d think you’d be staring down some lighter fluid or Mexican jet fuel, but it’s actually extremely refined… almost - I don’t wanna sound too queer here - but almost exotic. If not exotic, at least extremely mature. I guess the old name for this, Los Abuelos (Grandparents), would be way more fitting– because this stuff is that classy, funny old dude you bump into outside the museum who proceeds to entertain you all afternoon with stories about the old bootlegging days, all the while chewing on the stump of a week-old cuban cigar.

They shouldn’t have changed the name. La Fortaleza is an extremely clear, bright, elegant tequila that exudes pure, unmolested agave and not a lot of other bullshit. It’s crisp, balanced, clean, and feels like you could drink a whole bottle of it and wake up with a stiffy, ready to go for round 2.

By contrast, the 7 Leguas, named in honor of Pancho Villa’s horse, is extremely aptly-named. On first pour it smells like a barn that someone stored a leaky cask of bootleg tequila in. That, right there, is an Official Booze Reviews compliment. I like barns. A lot. Reminds me of the sheep I… uh, nevermind.

But seriously, the first pour of this stuff hit me upside the head with an oak 2X4 with some horse thrown in for good measure. But after the first whap upside the head, the fuckin’ bludgeon mellowed out and came around, settled into my head (and the glass) with a really, really nice toastiness and a nice, light layer of vanilla on top. You’re not really getting agave here, you’re getting what well-handled agave becomes when it lays on oak for a coupla years. It’s a true añejo.

Another Aside:
Holy shit, my neighbor just showed up with a plate full of Yellowfin sushi just flown-back from Mexico. Since that’s about all I ate last time I was in Mex, I feel like I’m back on the beach at Posada de los Raqueros. Damn, Yellowfin is one fine fish.

Where was I? Hmm… I never thought of drinking tequila with sushi. I have to say, that’s a combo you should really consider. This añejo paired up with Yellowfin and a hit of wasabi is one serious kick-in-the ass. Fish and horse, who woulda thunk it?

Have I mentioned lately that Life is Good? Because the drinking of both of these outstanding tequilas, in a roundabout way, led me to that conclusion, I’m giving them both 150 points and not deducting any points for anything. Well… nah, I think I’ll deduct 20 from the blanco because I think the añejo’s better. No, now wait a minute… no, I think I then need to take 21 from the añejo ’cause on 2nd look maybe the blanco’s better… nah, let’s take 2 from the añejo now… well…

DAMN!

Fuck it, they both get a zero ’cause I can’t decide. I’m gonna have to come back to this one in the morning.

No, they both get a buck even. That’s final. 100 points. Good stuff. Worth every penny.

(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)

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