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Author’s Note:  This review has since been amended due to the fact that the original bottle reviewed was tainted.  My original review follows below, but please also make sure to read the amended review here.  The amended review is far more accurate.

If it hadn’t cost $55 for a bottle, the fact that it smells like my high school Biology classroom wouldn’t bother me much…… But that medicinal aroma is killing me now. Maybe ‘medicinal’ isn’t quite right… formaldehyde isn’t really medicine, now is it?

The makers claim that the oak aging gives it a “decadent aroma of toffee, vanilla, perfume and rich brown spices”, but I’m really not getting any of that bullshit at all. What I get is paint thinner and…

Wait, I’ve got it!

It smells like Cachaca, that Brazillian hooch that makes the women take off all their clothes and the men throw bags of piss onto the soccer pitch. It’s that fact that threw me off. Now hang on, lemme go back and hit it again with that knowledge…

Damn, that’s some nice pinga! Huepa!

OK, so I’ve gotta let the Cielo off the hook a bit. If I hadn’t come into this expecting to drink a refined high-end tequila, I wouldn’t be nearly as disappointed in the hooch. If I had come into this expecting to drink a bottle of aged cane-derived Brazilian hooch I’d be thrilled to the gills, ’cause it’s really quite tasty. I think I might have to throw some lime and sugar into this motherfucker and make myself a Caipirinha. There we go.

Any true tequila lover with $55 to spend would be much better off with a bottle of Don Julio Anejo, Senor Anejo or even 3 bottles of the old standby Sauza Hornitos. So I’m gonna give this one 2 reviews: as a tequila, it gets a negative 20 for the price to flavor ratio, minus another 10 for the bullshit on the label, then I’ll give it 31 points for having alcohol in it, and another 2 for a cool bottle. So it gets a 3, as a tequila. I’m tempted to take away more points for making me associate a bad tequila with a good cachaca, because cachaca can actually be quite good. So yeah, fuck it… I’m taking those 3 points away if I get reminded of this garbage the next time my buddy’s father-in-law brings me a good bottle of pinga from Brazil.

As a cachaca, it’s not bad. I bet it’d make one hell of a Caipirinha, but they’d have to lower the price of the bottle to make you want to mix it like that. So, as a cachaca, I’ll give her 100 points, minus 20 for the price, minus 10 more for mis-labeling the shit as a tequila.

Basically, this stuff is a waste of money.

Amendment: 2 months later.
OK, I tried and I tried. Then I tried some more. I hate the thought of just completely writing off a bottle of booze, so I had friends try this stuff, I asked around… and the consensus is simply this: This stuff is just horrible. There’s something just outright wrong with it. Maybe I got a bad bottle or something… but at 50 bucks, I’m not about to go out there and buy another one to find out. I’m gonna take those remaining three points away. Final score: a Big Goose Egg.

Author’s Note:  This review has since been amended due to the fact that the original bottle reviewed was tainted.  Please also make sure to read the amended review here.

(5 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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