BoozeReviews.net

This website is intended for an audience over 21 years old, and contains some profanity and lots of stories about all sorts of things that happen while imbibing alcohol. If you are not of legal drinking age, or you are easily offended by profanity, then please, for our sake and yours, go away. Otherwise... enjoy the site, and hopefully we'll make you laugh in the process. And make sure you check out our ratings system on your first visit, so you know how we're judging this stuff.

Also, when we give a bad review of something here, before you get offended, please consider the source! And we've recently opened the blog up to comments, so feel free to register and post your thoughts on our reviews.

OK, so you're over 21? You can handle crudeness, juvenile humor and profanity? Then read on...

T-h-e. Three letters. So simple, yet so profound. Anytime a name starts with “the,” that thing being described had better be good…no, it had better be the best.

“The” makes the promise of nonpareil sublimity, of prominence, of unparalleled perfection. Baseball had it’s version with “The Babe,” a larger than life spectacle whose off the field boozery was overshadowed only by his then unreachable home run record. He was a champion, the unrivaled quintessence of what a baseball player should be. George Herman Ruth just doesn’t have the same ring.

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(9 votes, average: 4.44 out of 5)

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Do you think Parker really spits when he’s tasting?

I mean, really?  Do you really think he actually spits out this glorious love juice we call wine?  When you think about it, if Jesus really went through the trouble to turn water into wine, then wouldn’t it be disrespectful– even sacrelegious or an outright affront to God– to spit it out?

No, I refuse to believe anyone would spit out a wine that tastes this good.  At least that’s what I told myself upon sucking down this whole bottle tonight.  You know what that means? Read more »

(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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After being stuck to countless growlers of Alpine Beer Company’s Obrien’s IPA, I forced myself to go out and seek sunlight and the companionship of really good pizza. So I ventured off in the batmobile to Pizza Port in Carlsbad to sample some good IPA’s on tap; one that really stuck out was their own Poor Man’s Double IPA. It is often said in the charlatan circles of beerspeak, that the closer you get to a brewery, the better tasting the beer. Whether it be Guinness in Ireland, Heineken in the Amsterdam, or Dos Equis in Mexico, beer, like vagina, is always best when fresh. This pearl of wisdom certainly held true for the beer sampled on this lovely occassion. Read more »

(6 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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I’ve got to give these guys some credit: they’ve done what I didn’t think was possible.

That’s right.

They made a Russian River Pinot Noir that I don’t like. Read more »

(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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Feeling a little surly tonight. Wanted to let everybody know that this boozereviewer’s palate is not one dimensional. My Lupulin love affair has not tainted my taste/affection for vino. As a disclaimer, I do tend to prefer reds over whites tenfold. That said, I have been curious about the nature (essence?) of Cali Chards when they aren’t all fucked up by the cloak of vanilla oak. WTF does this grape really taste like? Not a fan of overblown, buttery, flabby whites at all. Usually when I drink a white, I want it to be refreshing (77 degrees in San Diego today) and pair well with food—give me some acidity and minerality! On to the wine…

Pale yellow in the glass—looks like a Sauv Blanc. Nose of citrus soaked pears. No fuckin vanilla! Taste is crisp, apples and pears sandwiched with slate or some damn minerally, rocky shit. Did I mention I was breaking the cardinal rule of booze-reviewing: being inebriated as I type? Sorry. Finish is loooooong ( or maybe its my ability to comprehend time?). I could drink a whole bottle of this with my homemade roasted veggie pizza. Could? Did. Done. Gone.

50 points for containing alcohol. 20 points for being refreshing. 20 points for lacking vanilla/butter impressions. 2 points for being only $13.99 at Costco. 92 points overall on the Boozereviews scale. Going back for more to hold onto for summer.

(12 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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Gotta tell you, this boozereviewing side job is a real tough gig sometimes. See, every so often I roll out of bed at noon or so and, in order to get the old bowels warmed up and ready to clear out, I check my email. And, every so often, there’s an email there from a winemaker, distiller or brewery who wants to send me some booze for review. Crap.

Now, you might be saying to yourself “self, what the hell is this guy’s problem?!”

But– let me just be clear here — sometimes it’s a little scary… Read more »

(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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As described by Tom Nickel, owner of O’Brien’s Pub (December 2007):

The new O’Brien’s IPA from Alpine Beer Company is a collaboration between owner/brewer Pat McIllhenny (Alpine Beer Company) and Tom Nickel (O’Brien’s Pub). (Editor’s note: Tom even got to go to the brewery to help make this masterpiece. Versatile!) It is a 6.2% alcohol, golden colored IPA with tons of hops. The hops used for this brew include: Columbus, Centennial, Cascade, Amarillo, and Simcoe. The end product is nice and bitter with a very full flavor of hops. Read more »

(5 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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Sampled this porter tonight after downing a few other big IPA’s, a change-up to the status quo of big hopped beers as of late. With the cold weather upon us, and the new chimenea burning, it was the perfect time to give this one a go. Read more »

(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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I picked up a 22 oz. bottle of this old favorite on the way back from the sperm bank. I’ve been a little low on cash lately, but surprisingly full of the “sauce of life.” To make a short story even shorter, I bought the bottle with my “winnings” and headed home to ice down my marbles. Read more »

(4 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5)

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Last bottle of Stone’s 11th Anniversary Black IPA in the fridge, so here it goes…

First, just looking at the beer, this is one dark IPA. Not Darth Vader dark, more of a Montel Williams meets Flavor Flav kind of dark. When I think of Stone– IPA, Ruination, and Arrogant Bastard immediately come to mind. 11th Anniversary is a major deviation from this tried-and-true formula for creating successful beers.

At a distance, this could be confused for a porter or stout. At 8.7% alcohol by volume, it is a fairly heavy beer, nicely carbonated , and pours with a tan, frothy head. If you have ever been fellaeshed by a drooler in Hawaii, you know what I’m talking about here. Read more »

(7 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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