BoozeReviews.net

The San Diego contingent of Boozereviewers escaped (wives, kids, responsibility in general) on a Saturday night to experiment with a one liter beer boot from Brendan at Bier Boot Haus. With some initial skepticism, we poured what appeared to be 2/3 of a one gallon growler of Ballast Point Dorado Double IPA (9.6% ABV). Skepticism because who the hell drinks a beer like this out of a boot? We do.

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I don’t know about you, but when I’m in Mexico’s mainland I find it damn near impossible to get hungover. And, believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve done the research on this subject.

Let’s take the other day, for example.

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A good friend of mine, a girl we’re calling Your Mama in this post, is going to Costa Rica for the first time this month. Now, Your Mama likes to get busy. Once, while drinking heavily in Australia, she and a friend got into a competition to see who had screwed more letters of the alphabet (first name starts with…). Within 2 more beers they had identified the letters each needed to screw in order to round things out. I think she needed an M, an E and a K, or something like that. Anyway, they then made a bet to see who could get all the way from A to Z first.

She won. Of course she won, she’s a girl. Basically, all she has to say is “Hey Kevin, wanna screw me? I need a K.”. Unfair fight.

Now, I’ve taken it upon myself to write her a travel guide for her next trip. Here it is:

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Ok, lemme start off by clarifying something: it’s OK if you don’t know what the fuck I’m going to be talking about here, based on the title of this review. In fact, I’m willing to bet that at least 75% of you don’t even know what that 2nd-to-last letter is in this post’s title, not to mention how to pronounce it. If one of my good friends wasn’t a crazy Brazilian film maker I wouldn’t know either. And if he wasn’t my best buddy’s brother-in-law, and if their father hadn’t passed his exceptionally good taste in booze on to his son and daughter, I wouldn’t have this bottle in my hand. This empty bottle.

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I found this video at YouTube awhile back and it just sort of… well… made sense somehow. Click below to watch the video:

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Have you ever noticed that Bud gives you unbelievable Beer Farts? Well, at least it does me…Now don’t get me wrong here… I don’t see anything wrong with a good beer fart. In fact, I consider them mostly to be a bonus. But the King of Beers turns my Dago ass into the King of Flatulence. I mean, one time, at band camp, I drank 12 Budweisers while playing roulette ’til 5:00AM, and the next day… well… later that day… I timed a fart that lasted 8 seconds. And it wasn’t one of those ’squeeze-your-buttcheeks and gradually let it go farts. It was a pusher. I mean, one that I helped out.

And it lasted 8 seconds.

Wow.

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A holiday recipe of sorts, from Ashley…1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 cup lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

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I’m sitting on the can at 4:30AM planning my day at sea….You might be thinking to yourself, ’self, did he just say 4:30am??’

Yes.

There’s something wholly unnatural about 4:30am. 4:30am just doesn’t feel right unless (a) you’re still awake instead of just getting up; (b) you’re sitting at the blackjack table you’ve been at since 5:00pm the day before (also fits into (category (a) above); or (c) you’ve got a cold budweiser by your side and two warm strippers in your lap and you’ve just not realized that it’s getting near breakfast time (also fits into category (a) above as well). So basically, 4:30am is wrong.

But when you must fish, you must fish.

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Sick of all those stuffy wine reviewers? Me too! Who the hell are those guys talking to anyway?? Want to learn about that one special tequila you saw at BevMo last week, but you don’t trust the manufacturer’s information, and you suspect the salesman there was just trying to sell you the most expensive bottle he could find? Happens a lot.Well then, welcome to BoozeReviews. What we’re all about is real live reviews of all kinds of booze– reviews that the average Joe can understand. Yeah, we’ve got a point system and can wax philosophical about the ins and outs of a given beverage’s inner character… but we like to drink booze and enjoy it. We don’t even consider spitting out wine: a damn insult to the wine maker– he or she made it to be imbibed, for God’s sake. If it tastes good, drink it. If you’re broke and it tastes alright, drink it. If it sucks, STOP– don’t pour it out… there are all sorts of creative things you can do with it. Cook with it. Stick a rag in it, light it and throw it. Start campfires with it.

Why are we doing this??

Because we can. It’s fun to talk about things you like and bash things you don’t. It’s fun to sit down with a big contraband cigar and a glass of 12 year Nicaraguan Rum and feel the oak character expand in your mouth… sure… but hey, we’re not the kind of folks who won’t also suck down a 12-er of Keystone while playing a heated game of Beer Pong.

Some of our reviews may be contrite. Some may be downright silly. Some may be written after we’ve tated 10 different wines and you won’t understand a god damned thing we say. And some may be useful and professional… you just never know… but I can guarantee you’ll enjoy yourself.. and hey, isn’t that the point of it all anyway?