I don’t care if the financial sector is crumbling or if the extreme religious fucks of the world are manufacturing their apocalyptic prophecy, in fact with a glass of the Bruery’s Black Tuesday in hand, I couldn’t care less. A bourbon barrel aged imperial stout with an astounding 19.5% abv., Black Tuesday is currently the most hyped beer in the beer geek realm.

After a rough pour, a beautiful chocolate brown head forms over a jet black body with a slightly brown twinge at the edge of the glass. I’d tell you about the lacing, but it’s so fucking pungent that I couldn’t stop swirling and smelling. Black Tuesday reeks of bourbon, charred oak, molasses, and dried dark fruits. Even with the glass 2 feet below, a bourbon soaked chocolate cake aroma can still be detected. Tuesday tastes like a vanilla bourbon truffle with a sprinkle of espresso. The coffee flavor comes out in the finish in what is otherwise dominated by bourbon, molasses and vanilla. The taste lingers for over a minute after each sip is gone; taste buds are saturated and nearly overwhelmed by the depth of flavor. Mouthfeel is thick and rich, but lightened by adequate carbonation. Considering the 19.5% abv, the drinkability is silly.

Black Tuesday is an amazing beer: the best imperial stout on the planet, bar none.

It’s no wonder that hundreds of people, including me, lined up hours before the release of this beer at the Bruery. The release price of $30 now looks like a bargain with bottles already selling for $100 on ebay. If you can get your hands on it, try it. But don’t be surprised if you’re asked to give up your youngest child in exchange.

That crash you heard wasn’t the stock market, it was me trying to drink a whole 750 ml of Black Tuesday by myself.

Official Boozereviews score: 100 points

I have had some shitty beer in my time, but this is the first one with shit in it. The folks at Mikeller thought it would be a great idea to not just brew a coffee stout, but a civet cat coffee stout.  Some supplemental reading for those of you not keen on Kopi Luwak.  Call me a skeptic (or an asshole), but I really can’t see how Mikeller could afford to brew a beer out of coffee that costs over $100/lb.

Poured into a Palm tulip.  Appearance is black. Darth Vader black. Not brown whatsoever. The head is a nice cream color. Lacing is spotty after the first few sips. Not getting an overwhelming amount of coffee in the aroma of this beer. I expected something more along the lines of Founders Kentucky Breakfast Stout, but this proves my assumptions wrong. The coffee is there, just not in the forefront of the nose. A fairly mild nose in a pleasing way.  If my own shit smelled this mild, the people in my one toilet household would be much happier.

Taste is excellent, although a bit different from the other coffee stouts that I’ve imbibed recently. Just can’t put my finger on the taste here. There is definitely some coffee, roasted malt, a bit of hops that adds some bitterness. Some wood going on that borders on becoming chalky, however the beer manages to maintain its integrity. Some presence of alcohol, but not enough to overwhelm the beer. I like the smooth creaminess of the mouthfeel, obviously achieved through the addition of oats. Drinkability is still good despite the high abv. I love the flavor, texture, and the fact that there might be some weasel shit in there.  And yes those are the civet droppings that are diligently collected.  Which asshole first thought that would be a good idea?

Initially 90/100 on the BoozeReviews scale, two bonus points added for the gimmicky addition of weasel shit.  Final score 92/100.

Was just set on writing up a review tonight. Figures the first bottle (a Baltic porter) I cracked was horribly flawed with some medicinal, metallic shit going on. Reminded me of another highly frustrating ordeal. You know, the one where you’re spankin to the free video clip that cuts off in the middle before a money shot or anything? If at first you do not succeed…

My second choice, North Coast Brewing 2008 Old Stock Ale at 12.5% abv, treated me right nice. From the cardboard four-pack:

Like a fine port, North Coast’s Old Stock Ale is intended to be laid down. With an original gravity of over 1100 and a generous hopping rate, Old Stock Ale is well designed to round out and mellow with age. It’s brewed with classic Maris Otter malt and Fuggles and East Kent Goldings hops, all imported from England.

Poured a deep mahogany color with a quickly fading head. This beer looks viscous/syrupy. Reminds me of pouring maple syrup in a glass as far as viscosity and color. You could probably mistake it for an aged rum or brandy too. Smells like rum too–with its spicy, caramelly and raisiny sweetness. Sticking with the rum analogy, Old Stock has distinct layers of flavor. The first is a syrupy sweet impression, which is overtaken by the second impression of light carbonation (OK, I know, rum isn’t carbonated) that keeps the beer from becoming heavy or cloying. Finally, the beer finishes with a little bitterness from both hops and alcohol. The drinkability of this beer is very high relative to its high abv. Can’t say I would ever drink more than one in a sitting though. In fact, drinking two, three, or four would probably lead to lying down.

Definitely a beer for rum or port drinkers (Juanote?). I am tempted to play the vintage game, and see if I can’t find a couple of older bottles. Apparently there is also a barrel aged version that would be fun to try.

93.1 points tonight.

93.8 points the first time I drank it while manning the BBQ in cold, rainy weather.

From the provided informative FrostShot literature:

FrostShot is an innovative alternative to traditional alcohol-based beverages. In the past…freezing alcohol had been deemed impossible; but we’ve achieved perfection. FrostShot is a frozen alcoholic shot conveniently packaged inn aluminum sleeves for portability and ease of use. FrostShot is the first of its kind. So grab a FrostShot and get your party started!!

Commandment Five of the Ten Commandments of BoozeReviewing states “Thou shall not publicly claim “I am too old for this shit” when the research aspect of the job bites back.” Well, since only seven of the ten commandments have even been written, I will risk eternal damnation: I am too old to drink adult Otter Pops. I tried, I really tried. After a whirlwind “research” outing with Jesse the Hutt, BJR, and SOB Steve, I went to the freezer and foisted one of each of the five flavors on the group.

The most interesting comment in response to FrostShots was from JTH who exclaimed, “Makes me want to go to a Tijuana strip joint!” As a whole, the FrostShot lineup provides sweet and astringent alcohol with artificial fruit flavors in a 10% ABV frozen package that might be fun for college aged adults trying to get trashed in a steamy club.  Unfortunately, I think the window of opportunity for my FrostShot tattoo has passed me by.  I also found it strange that there is no indication of the type of alcohol being imbibed when drinking a FrostShot.  I assumed vodka?

After nearly a year long abstinence from Boozereviewing, I have been feeling the pressure to post up something. Consider the rust that builds up after a year of drinking without thinking. That’s the difference right? I have become complacent in my drunken stupor, not willing to use my brain while attempting to diminish its capacity. Hopefully I can shake the atrophy as I warm up. I probably could have chosen a simpler beer to ramble about in my return. Label description: “Extreme ale converging San Diego style imperial pale ale and Belgian style trippel.”

While ignoring the mirrored text resulting from the laptop cam snapshot, you can see the deep orange hue to Le Freak in the pic. Fairly cloudy, the “Freaker”, as I have dubbed it, had a creamy, frothy head that dissipated slowly.

The smell of this beer confirms its zymurgical transsexuality. Is it hoppy, or Belgian? Is that sweet yeast and biscuity bread; or fruity, piney hoppiness? Both I guess. Bats for both teams? A beer with an existential dilemma? At 9.2% abv, there is a little booze on the nose too.

The taste of the Freaker reinforces its tranny nature. Initially tasting like a well made Belgian Trippel in the St. Bernardus vein with its sweet, yeasty fruitiness, the Freaker then morphs into a bitterness bomb on the finish. The bitter finish reminds me of the bitterness level on Green Flash West Coast that is not achieved in many other beers. The warmer the beer became, the better these distinct components melded into a cohesive whole.

The texture of the Freaker improved considerably as it warmed too, becoming creamier and more feminine after initially being masculine and austere (I don’t even need another tranny reference here).

The only thing keeping me from throwing this cross-dresser back was the fact that I could sense improvement as it warmed. Not poundable, but not difficult to get through either.

In closing on a serious note, I want to share a conversation I had with the brewer of this beer, Chuck Silva of Green Flash. At the Lightning Brewery Anniversary Party about six months go, Chuck indicated that he thought this beer would be best with a minimum of a few months age on it to allow the hop characteristics to fade into the background a little more. The only problem with that suggestion is that I have no idea how old my bottle was.

92/100 on the Boozereviews scale.

As a disclaimer of sorts, remember that this reviewer is addicted to the palate punishment ubiquitous in San Diego IPAs. Insert sound bite of Walter telling Donny ” Forget it, Donny, you’re out of your element! ” here. But I won’t forget it. The pay’s not so good, but I take my gig seriously. I don’t just shack up with my first love, I play the field. I give the hyped up stouts a chance (those I can get my hands on). Frankly I just don’t get it. Maybe its the fuckin weather. Maybe if it wasn’t so damn hot all the time I wouldn’t mind my beer pouring with the same viscosity as the 10w-30 leaking like a sieve out of my truck. Regardless, this was supposed to be a review, not a rant.

Green Flash Double Stout comes in at a reasonable (by Imperial Stout standards) 8.8% ABV. Smell is of smoky, roasted malt; chocolate, and coffee. Dark black in the middle of the glass, the beer becomes deep, dark brown at the edge. Some viscosity, just not molasses viscosity. Dirty, thick brown head (description begs for obstreperous sexual innuendo). As it warmed the beer became increasingly silky and chocolaty. The slight hop bitterness on the finish kept the chocolate/mocha from becoming cloying. One bomber and I was adequately bombed. The 8.8% ABV is well concealed; I slugged this thing back like chocolate milk while looking into the availability of Pliny the Elder and Blind Pig in bottles. Warm it up, 50-55 degrees is optimal on this one.

Green Flash does the stout style proud with this brew. No chocolate, coffee, or other gimmicky adjuncts necessary to achieve a rich, flavorful beer. Chocolate and coffee impressions are achieved through oats and roasted malts. The drinkability of the beer remains high as the alcohol is kept in check.

96/100 points on the BoozeReviews scale.

According to the Lightning Brewery website Ionizer is a “pre-prohibition premium American lager.” Initial appearance after pouring revealed a clear, deep golden hue. There was no noticeable hop aroma. In fact, I initially smelled corn and confirmed through the website that this beer is brewed with some corn adjunct “to provide extra fermentable sugars,” probably necessary to achieve 8.3% ABV. I cracked this 22 ouncer during a family barbecue, so naturally I had an audience and some additional (more worthy, accurate) impressions.

My first taste impression was a nostalgic trip back to my early teens when I would sneak sips of my parents’ Coors Banquet Beer. Not Coors Light mind you, we are talking about the full flavor gold can. Still, it would be inaccurate to imply that Ionizer is analogous to Coors B.B. In fact Ionizer would be analogous to Coors Imperial Lager if such a thing existed. The corn impression was evident on the palate as well, and was followed by sweet malt, a slight hop bitterness, and a dry, crisp lager finish. This beer was a stronger, better made version of many of the lackluster lagers that are cranked out in the American market. Just about everybody present (all non beer geeks) gave a positive impression of the beer, yet I was bored. Again, a well made beer, just not in a style that I would seek out.

Giving Ionizer to to some dedicated American Lager drinkers would be an interesting experiment. The best part of the experiment would be to see the damage caused by the 8.3% ABV on those who throw a couple back. Is this the gateway beer to better things, ween them off the domestics with Ionizer, the Imperial of domestics?

86/100 points on the BoozeReviews scale.

No kids tonight, so a little solo session. Finished with this beer, so I attempted the following drunken review:

Sierra Nevada Brewing Co’s 2008 Bigfoot Barleywine weighs in at 9.6% ABV; this is no beer to be trifled with . As an aficionado of IPA’s recently, I am pleasantly surprised by the citrusy, piney aroma of obvious hops. The hoppy aroma is followed by caramel sweetness. The color is a dark red/brown. On the palate, the obvious hop citrus/pine/flower flavors are balanced by a bushel of malt sweetness. Long, bitter finish. Quite poundable despite the high alcohol; or maybe that is the drunkard in me talking. The high alcohol, sweet flavors seem to inhibit the refreshment factor of this beer a little (hot today, sorry.) I would never age this beer as many have suggested. Why lose the hoppy goodness provided today? Drink up.

As I take a step back, I realize I am trashed. I was whining the other day that this stuff (Bigfoot) doesn’t come in the 22 Oz. variety, but maybe it’s for the better. This beer was preceded by an Avery Maharaja, a Ballast Sculpin, and possibly some other illicit activity, so adjust your score/impression accordingly. Slowly disappearing from the market…

90/100 on the Boozereviews Scale. Admitted bias: how could I score it any higher as a non-IPA? Still, probably my favorite American style barleywine.

The San Diego contingent of Boozereviewers escaped (wives, kids, responsibility in general) on a Saturday night to experiment with a one liter beer boot from Brendan at Bier Boot Haus. With some initial skepticism, we poured what appeared to be 2/3 of a one gallon growler of Ballast Point Dorado Double IPA (9.6% ABV). Skepticism because who the hell drinks a beer like this out of a boot? We do.

First observation: this is not your standard 12 or 22 oz curl. Second observation: the wide mouth of the glass invites uncontrollable urges to tip the boot back and chug, even with the least chuggable of beers. Quite an interesting visualization as the boot tips back toward your head in mid-chug, definitely delivering a “boot” upside the noggin.

Boozereviewer BJR actively pursued what Jesse the Hutt dubbed “Kerplunkeldoppen,” the bubble/splash phenomenon popularized by the movie Beerfest that occurs when you slug the last of the boot with the toe pointed up (avoid Kerplunkeldoppen by rotating the boot 90 degrees to the right or left). Jesse the Hutt and I chortled with Schadenfreude as BJR choked on, and thoroughly bathed in beer due to the Kerplunkeldoppen.

The night concluded with the epiphany that the beer boot was strangely reminiscent of the leg lamp from A Christmas Story, or was at least the beer glass equivalent.

As far as being a vehicle of utter crapulence, the Bier Boot Haus one liter beer boot achieves 98/100 points on the Boozereviews scale. Only 98 points because nobody went to jail or a T.J. whorehouse, and, with the help of a cabbie, we all made it home.

Just slugged a 22 oz. bomber (6.5% ABV) of one of the most recent releases from Tomme Arthur’s The Lost Abbey. As I drank it, I continually reminded myself “self, this is a saison style ale, appreciate it for what it is.” While contemplating the yeasty banana characteristics of this brew, I realized that one of the issues I have with Belgian style brews relates to the fact that, as a wine drinker, I have been conditioned to throw up (“throw up,” in no way reflects my reaction to this beer) red flags when I encounter overt bretty flavors. Don’t get me wrong, we are talking about mild brett funk in this beer, not Tijuana hooker yeast infection. Anyway, I managed to embrace the funk.

Poured a hazy golden color, medium head. Aromas of banana, maybe a little peach, a slight hint of citrus (due to American hops?), and aforementioned brett/funk. Taste was fruity/yeasty/a little bit of hoppy citrus peeking through (see above TJ/yeast reference, and add a beer-soaked lime wedge from your Pacifico). I felt like it lacked a little carbonation? Went down very easy, maybe due to the fact that I was craving and looking forward to something hoppy and bitter to go with the goddamn Kettle brand Thai potato chips that were burning my mouth. Shit, I admit to enjoying this beer despite my xenophobic views of Belgian beer, however, I am not rushing out to purchase it again for the $8.99 I paid.

87 points on the Boozereviews sliding scale.