BoozeReviews.net

This website is intended for an audience over 21 years old, and contains some profanity and lots of stories about all sorts of things that happen while imbibing alcohol. If you are not of legal drinking age, or you are easily offended by profanity, then please, for our sake and yours, go away. Otherwise... enjoy the site, and hopefully we'll make you laugh in the process. And make sure you check out our ratings system on your first visit, so you know how we're judging this stuff.

Also, when we give a bad review of something here, before you get offended, please consider the source! And we've recently opened the blog up to comments, so feel free to register and post your thoughts on our reviews.

OK, so you're over 21? You can handle crudeness, juvenile humor and profanity? Then read on...

According to the Lightning Brewery website Ionizer is a “pre-prohibition premium American lager.” Initial appearance after pouring revealed a clear, deep golden hue. There was no noticeable hop aroma. In fact, I initially smelled corn and confirmed through the website that this beer is brewed with some corn adjunct “to provide extra fermentable sugars,” probably necessary to achieve 8.3% ABV. I cracked this 22 ouncer during a family barbecue, so naturally I had an audience and some additional (more worthy, accurate) impressions.

My first taste impression was a nostalgic trip back to my early teens when I would sneak sips of my parents’ Coors Banquet Beer. Not Coors Light mind you, we are talking about the full flavor gold can. Still, it would be inaccurate to imply that Ionizer is analogous to Coors B.B. In fact Ionizer would be analogous to Coors Imperial Lager if such a thing existed. The corn impression was evident on the palate as well, and was followed by sweet malt, a slight hop bitterness, and a dry, crisp lager finish. This beer was a stronger, better made version of many of the lackluster lagers that are cranked out in the American market. Just about everybody present (all non beer geeks) gave a positive impression of the beer, yet I was bored. Again, a well made beer, just not in a style that I would seek out.

Giving Ionizer to to some dedicated American Lager drinkers would be an interesting experiment. The best part of the experiment would be to see the damage caused by the 8.3% ABV on those who throw a couple back. Is this the gateway beer to better things, ween them off the domestics with Ionizer, the Imperial of domestics?

84/100 points on the BoozeReviews scale.

(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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If you haven’t visited Alpine Beer Company’s new website, there is an excerpt regarding the new Kriek:
“The bottled beers are very special. These beers have been aging for 15 months in oak barrels formerly used for red wine. We have about 75 cases of a Belgian Kriek called ” Chez Monieux.” It comes in a 750 ml Belgian-style capped bottle and weighs in at 5.8%. We used 2 varieties of cherries with a dominate amount being the tart Montmorency Cherry from Michigan. You don’t want to know how much the cherries cost. The Kriek bottles are not bottle conditioned, no sediment at the bottom, so long aging (more than 2 years) is not recommended, but who knows.”

There is also mention of kegs of this beer (and Briscoe) being saved for the opening of the new pub in the same building as the brewery right next door. Rumor has it this will be a barbecue joint…Now on to the beer review!

I picked up a bottle of Chez Monieux from Alpine on Tuesday, April 15th, the “day after taxes” release party. Split the bottle with three friends to ease the financial pain of purchasing a beer of this caliber. At $26.95 a bottle, this may be a tough one to swallow for those not used to paying for perfection!
This was one experience that I couldn’t pass up, as industry insiders have called this new release from Alpine Beer Company the best Kriek in the United States. Who am I to argue?

I was not disappointed. This beer pours a clear reddish color. An ample amount of carbonation illuminates this rosy hue. Not much head on this as it was poured into a stemless Riedel tulip.
The first taste was tart, sour, and not overly cherrified. The second felt smooth, with a light mouthfeel that doesn’t linger on the tongue. Notes of wine, wood, and spices; this was a tasting unlike any other that I have experienced before. For those of you that love Supplication, Red Poppy,and Kasteel’s Kriek, you’ll thoroughly enjoy this beer. If you haven’t tried this beer yet, SHAME ON YOU!

Official BoozeReviews Score:  90/100

 L’Chaim!

(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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Let me ask you this: do you know what BJAC is? BJAC. Think about it.

No, even though this is a wine blog, it’s not Blackberry Jam and Currant. It’s much, much better than that.

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(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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There’s a Maori saying, He iti he iti kahikatoa: Do not despise a man of small stature—he may be as strong as the kahikatoa (a small tree, but strong and tough).

This is a $13 Pinot that knocked my socks off. Literally, I’m barefoot (and bare-assed) right now. (Great visual).

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(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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Second 22 ouncer of the night! YES! I need to remind myself that I also had three tall boys of Coors Light earlier in the day, so I’m now considering myself reminded, and also a bit drunk.

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(9 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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It’s been a while, but I thought it was time to hop back up on that pogo stick. You know, open up a bottle of good brew, throw a little rouge on, tuck the sack back, and write a review.

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(5 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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Holy Mother of God and a Mackerel, Kanzler stepped up to the plate, pointed to McCovey Cove, took a swing and plunked 300 stitches of wine love right into a kayaker’s mouth. Giant’s fans will understand the analogy, the rest of you are going to have to do the research on your own, but here’s a summary for the masses:What baseball analogy is about to ensue when your date hops into the backseat of your ‘65 Mustang after hanging her panties from the rearview mirror?Home fuckin’ run. Long ball. Upper decks in most parks, a shotgun marriage in others. Read more »

(5 votes, average: 4.8 out of 5)

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Where it all began. My first time with Bear Republic’s Racer 5 on tap was at the Zeitgeist biker (mountain, street, motorized and otherwise) bar in San Francisco. I clearly remember marveling at two things in particular: the fantastic pint of hoppy creaminess I was imbibing, and the dude sitting at the other end of the wooden picnic table who proceeded to roll, and then promptly smoke something that smelled equally as delicious as the floral, fruity aroma lingering from the frothy, creamy head of my pint. This was the beginning of the lupulin threshold shift, the shift that pushed such respectable pale ales as Sierra Nevada and Stone solely into the realm of ‘beer pong’ beers, or perhaps session beers if, unkindly, such session is limited to 10 seconds.

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(5 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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No kids tonight, so a little solo session. Finished with this beer, so I attempted the following drunken review:

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(6 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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The San Diego contingent of Boozereviewers escaped (wives, kids, responsibility in general) on a Saturday night to experiment with a one liter beer boot from Brendan at Bier Boot Haus. With some initial skepticism, we poured what appeared to be 2/3 of a one gallon growler of Ballast Point Dorado Double IPA (9.6% ABV). Skepticism because who the hell drinks a beer like this out of a boot? We do.

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(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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